Movies Spoiled

Eventually I’m going to get through my backlog of book reviews for the year and then I will have to come up with some sort of original content for days when I don’t have new material to review.  In anticipation of that day, here is a post spoiling famous movies.

  • Bruce Willis was actually a paroled safe cracker the whole time.
  • Sidney Portier is coming to dinner.
  • Darth Vadar built C-3PO.
  •  Bowman encounters an alien intelligence that allows him to evolve beyond the bounds of humanity to become a being a pure light and energy
  • It turns out that the 5th element is love.
  • Humbert Humbert marries Lolita and, after directing a string of middling films, finally returns to form with one that is well received by both critics and audiences, garnering an Academy Award nomination.
  • Having drawn the ire of God in their monomaniacal quest to throw marbles at an F5 tornado, Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton are chased across the country by an antagonistic white twister.
  • Ferris Bueller grows up and buys a CR-V.
  • The Hobbits all jump around on the bed.
  • Sophie prefers instant coffee.
  • Marla met the narrator at a very strange time in his life
  • Dracula moves to Marseille under an assumed identity and takes elaborate revenge on the people responsible for his unjust imprisonment. Q:  Doesn’t he invent a sandwich at the end of this one?  A: You are thinking of the sequel starring Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts titled “The Cuban.”

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